Defoe and the RVI
Aaargh!!! I can't honestly believe she has posted this - the fingers hovered briefly over the delete button but - hell - this is 35 years on innit?
I had known my old man for about a week when we had an interesting weekend. My parents were on holiday and a cousin arrived to stay because his mam had just decided to leave home. Jade was home from uni, abandoning her live-in partner and quite keen to meet the Old Man. Ellen was there as usual (her home wasn’t on a good bus/train route). Defoe (formerly known as the Groover) came from around the corner and a few of my brother’s friends turned up too. We played a lot of music, drank a lot of cider, and smoked a miniscule quantity of dope. Eventually we turned in for the night, sleeping anywhere but my mam’s room (because clearly they would have trip wires and powder traps etc). I had Ellen, and Young Cuz in my room as well as the Old Man, which didn’t inhibit us as I recall. Jade came and took an old eiderdown downstairs, so I guessed it was the bed-settee for her.
At about 2 in the morning, she tapped on the door and came in. She was using her posh, Joanna Lumley type voice, so I knew immediately it was trouble.
“It’s Defoe” she said “He’s bleeding from his penis. We have to get him to hospital”. So I staggered downstairs with OM. There was a bit of disagreement about how it had happened…
“she bit me”
“must have caught on the ring I’m wearing”
…but there was a lot of blood.
Actually cuz - what he said was "You've got teeth in there".
He was feeling faint, unsurprisingly..
That’s how 4 of us came to screech up to the RVI casualty department in my old mini at the crack of dawn dressed in pyjamas. Defoe had my dad’s dressing gown on. We didn’t have the heart to tell him about the huge jagged tear in the bum area. He had other things to worry about, like keeping the cold compresses(mam’s tea towels) in place. We marvelled at the moon as he walked in. I don’t know how the duty team kept their faces straight, between the hissed exchanges of “teeth” and “ring”, but they managed to staunch the flow and Defoe was released a couple of hours later.
We spent the next 2 days at jade’s mum’s, where there was a big toploading washing machine, trying to get the blood out of the towels, an eiderdown and the wool dressing gown. Then we had to get them dry, which we nearly did. There was just a faint damp smell around the eiderdown, so we stuffed it in a cupboard hoping it wouldn’t be missed.
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I had known my old man for about a week when we had an interesting weekend. My parents were on holiday and a cousin arrived to stay because his mam had just decided to leave home. Jade was home from uni, abandoning her live-in partner and quite keen to meet the Old Man. Ellen was there as usual (her home wasn’t on a good bus/train route). Defoe (formerly known as the Groover) came from around the corner and a few of my brother’s friends turned up too. We played a lot of music, drank a lot of cider, and smoked a miniscule quantity of dope. Eventually we turned in for the night, sleeping anywhere but my mam’s room (because clearly they would have trip wires and powder traps etc). I had Ellen, and Young Cuz in my room as well as the Old Man, which didn’t inhibit us as I recall. Jade came and took an old eiderdown downstairs, so I guessed it was the bed-settee for her.
At about 2 in the morning, she tapped on the door and came in. She was using her posh, Joanna Lumley type voice, so I knew immediately it was trouble.
“It’s Defoe” she said “He’s bleeding from his penis. We have to get him to hospital”. So I staggered downstairs with OM. There was a bit of disagreement about how it had happened…
“she bit me”
“must have caught on the ring I’m wearing”
…but there was a lot of blood.
Actually cuz - what he said was "You've got teeth in there".
He was feeling faint, unsurprisingly..
That’s how 4 of us came to screech up to the RVI casualty department in my old mini at the crack of dawn dressed in pyjamas. Defoe had my dad’s dressing gown on. We didn’t have the heart to tell him about the huge jagged tear in the bum area. He had other things to worry about, like keeping the cold compresses(mam’s tea towels) in place. We marvelled at the moon as he walked in. I don’t know how the duty team kept their faces straight, between the hissed exchanges of “teeth” and “ring”, but they managed to staunch the flow and Defoe was released a couple of hours later.
We spent the next 2 days at jade’s mum’s, where there was a big toploading washing machine, trying to get the blood out of the towels, an eiderdown and the wool dressing gown. Then we had to get them dry, which we nearly did. There was just a faint damp smell around the eiderdown, so we stuffed it in a cupboard hoping it wouldn’t be missed.
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posted by Anonymous at 4:01 pm
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