You’ll Always Find Us in the Bathroom at Parties

My great Bathroom residency was at one of Defoe’s parties. His family were on holiday and we’d been helping him set up all day, borrowing a record player from Toomey’s house and stashing bottles for emergencies. For some reason Toomey had taken quite a shine to me. I wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or to panic. He looked a bit like Captain Beefheart, which could have been a plus to a fan like myself but I had designs on another of Defoe’s Lost Boys at the time(probably Nixon).
Defoe had bought sauternes because he liked the name (and it was cheap). I’ve never been one for sweet wine but I drank a bottle quickly as a precaution against tasting it. Toomey plied me with more, along with the odd maul, until yonder I saw The Object of My (transient admittedly) Desire. I stood up, realised this was not a wise move, made my apologies and rushed up to the bathroom where I stayed for most of the evening, holding semi-coherent conversations through the door and contemplating whether I was going to be sick, and if so, could I get out without anyone noticing. I did open the door once to let Ellen in for a poo (all heart, me). Outside I could hear Toomey ranting ‘Where’s mah meat? Who took mah meat?’ Flattering or what? I locked the door. At least I wasn’t sick (but may have been if I’d pursued my earlier plans). I didn’t come out til it was quiet and lost boys were snoring downstairs then I did a cowardly creep home. I missed Defoe sneaking into his bedroom with Jolls but did hear later in graphic detail about how his virginity was much more than merely misplaced that night. Unfortunately there was only one toilet in the house – and it was in the bathroom. Well watered flowers down Glebe Avenue.

Tina’s bathroom residency was at a party at my house. She noticed that Marx was a little grubby and did the Only Decent Thing: locked him in the bathroom to sort it out. Oh but she locked herself on the same side. On the landing books were being opened on who was in there but I held my peace and took over a forbidden room with Nixon. Result (later, clearly): Nixon told me I was ‘the most unrandy girl he’d ever met’. You win some, you lose some, but I hadn’t quite lost him yet…Separate toilet in this house and another party 3 doors down, but the flowers were still well-watered down Midhurst Road– so many people.

I’m protecting the guilty here, but could it be you? Key:
Toomey – sock it – socket –
Nixon – president –
Defoe –
Marx – &spencer – St –
Jolls – (car: as in Bolks Bagen)